New · York · Nonsense

something so amazing happened today but i dont want to write about it.

...that makes no sense.
i do want to write about it, but not here.
(why?)
idk.
agklajdlfhkadh.
its late?
thats my excuse for now.

sdf

sorryu.

m0r3 sh0uLd b3 c0MiNq h3rE lAt3r;;* iM q3tTing bAck iNt0 wRiTinq tHinq;sz d0wN~
iM w0rKinq 0n a L0t 0f sT0ri3;sz RiGhtt n0w__ f0r r3Alz.



^^


i h8 people who type like that.
&nd people who say things like h8
&nd/0r~  &nd.

butttt ya know.


lovee eradgkladhf

maybe forever?

0_0

im too selfish to say goodbye.

i was on the phone with britney yesterday until close to midnight.  she was telling me all about high school in arizona, and it made me itch to get away from here.  but i'm sure my school is no different.  its just warmer there.  ...and there's more crystal meth.  but the point is - those people are having fun because they aren't you.
now ain't that just spectacular.

more examples.

pictures of ariana's beautiful friends and her lively stories.  mine are probably interesting as well - but i've lived them, so i don't see it.
or i don't care.
ariana's witty sounding friends.
emily's, too.
its all the same thing
i wonder what i look like to their friends.
i hophe they wish they could talk to a girl like me.

hah.
a girl like me.
what can be said about a girl like mee....

we were talking about suicide in bio the other day.
miss pahuja saw it as a sign of sheer and utter desperation.
i saw it as a liberating last ditch effort for control.
its brave, but its cowardly.
its very interesting.
the thoughts people must experience before and as they're commiting such an act...
the human mind is so interesting.
this is why i want to be a psychologist.
i can't wait to read timmy's book on the subject.  how creative.

the names i've picked for my children...whenever i have them...are very creative and unique.
well, i must admit, i'm sure emily has one upped me haha<33
i like
jasey rae
brayden james
kaelyn grace
kale gregory
thatcher william
addison marie

gfjkadlfkhjadlfh idk.
and many more, strangers ones.
boys names for girls are soo cute
like charlie<3 you know?

maybe i'll be one of those annoying parents who demonstrates absolutely no variety and gives all their children the same initials.

kade, kaelyn, kenneth...
or jordyn and jasey...
i guess we'll just have to seee<33:]

Current Mood:	contemplative
Current Music:	skyway avenue :: we the kings

" Either way I guess it's a lose-lose situation.... Or maybe it's a win-win. I guess that all depends on who you are asking.  " 

Current Mood:	exhausted
Current Music:	suppose :: secondhand serenade

can you feed me?

you can fall for chains of silver
you can fall for chains of gold
you can fall for pretty strangers
and the promises they hold

why is no one (in this world) honest (anymore)?
i want a strong, honest relationship.  with anyone.  i'm forgetting who and what i am....as if i once knew.

and i...
will repost in a fewww minutes.

i love
and i hate.
i don't like anything.
and if you hear me say i like something,
i usually hate it.


i hate fan fiction.
i hate websites online where people post stories.
the grammar sucks
the "descriptions" are poorly formed and undetailed
and the plots do, in NO WAY, intice me.
its fucking annoying.

some of the stories have potential.
(however,) most of them do not.
i have a friend.  she loves reading.  she loves those websites.
i can NOT read them.
i want to fucking backspace and rewrite and reword and edit and change and make everything make SENSE for once omfg.

its so ridiculously annoying.


*sigh*

i'm such a loving, patient person.






ps:
if you write fanfiction and shyt3 like that, my aforementioned rant = based on the general, basic crap i see on a day to day basis.  as always, there are a few gems hiding under all the shit on those websites.  good luck to you.  i hope you land among the good things.  if you have written or read a story actually worth (my) life on anything like that, please comment me with it, it would be much appreciated :]

pps:
confession:  if i had the patience, there are a few fanfictions that (even) i, myself would/might like to write.
like some harry potter things from RON'S point of view, un/abridged versions of some old classics.....etc.



goodnight now.


and ps
srsly
HOW FAR WE'VE COME
MATCHBOX 20
its not a new song
but its > than anything (else) (that's/is) out now.

but no at this point its not even like procrastinating.
i mean literally like:
i get home from school friday
friday night i go out
saturday i go out
sunday i do what i can
then i get to my work
why do it in a different order?
that literally/seriously/just makes sense to me.

orrrr this week:
wednesday night?  sit on my ass. SSUURREE.
thursday?  have jess over during the day and go out to that club at night :]
friday? yeayea good idea go to jess's all day, spend hours meandering around aimlessly inhaling sweedish fish and chasing forlorn graffiti shadows into concealed stepford neighborhoods and 'PRIVATE COMMUNITIES' that don't literally/actually exist.  sit on jess's bed with mike paul and anthony for hoursss before eating obscene amounts of organic white cheddar mac and cheese and assigning everyone in your school (andd some of their siblings) a character from mean girls.
saturday?bebebe lazyy.  wow wtf i dont even remember wghat i did haa besdies ferry deanna around and have jess over latelater. oohh rite grandma was over.  we cleaned bc. we hosted easter<3
sunday?  YAY easter all day.
monday? yay days off.  wait for calls that dont come. waitwait. mall con madre.  i take latin.  wtf.

im bored of this.
aite by
(ps:
y song?:
LISTENNNN
LEARNITLIVEITLOVEIT)
 

Current Mood:	pissed off
Current Music:	how far we've come :: matchbox 20

also, i mainly converse in sarcasm.
if you're not fluent,
we shouldn't talk.
:]

but don't think i'm an opinionated asshole.  i mean...not entirely.  haa not at first.
i (try to) keep an open mind about things fromm the gettggoo0 but don't think i won't change my mind.  i'll be open to any and all new ideas and people, but i judge them on little things.  weird little things.
and i don't trust.  i can't trust.
anyone who's been through at leas their freshman year in any public school system knows you can't trust anyone!
WISELY AND SLOW.  THEY STUMBLE THAT RUN FAST.
we've just finished romeo and juliet in school and my english teacher says that every five minutes.  wisely and slow.  people were too hasty in romeo and juliet.  they didn't stop to think at all.  wisely and slow.  words of great and lovely wisdom from a poor friar who thinks hes an apothecary and can't even take his own advice.  now that, my friends, is the very first place i think i'd ever look for knowledge and ideas.  the very first person i'd even think about asking: the silly crazy holy man.
("your move, holy man." - dane cook haa<33)

religion.
w0wZa.
thats a topic i'll have to delve into at a later time
as its late and i'm tired and joe's texting me
and too many people have me angry for too many reasons
soo i guess i'm going to throw in the towel, as they say
and possibly/probably attempt to stich all my aforementioned ecclectic statements together somewhat coherently tomorrow/in the morning.
<33

"Ah, me." - Juliet

Current Mood:	tired
Current Music:	88 lines about 44 women :: nails

i'm horrible.
i am a disgusting cretin full of detest and self pity who sabatoges everything thats good for themselves and their friends.
out of unabashed spite and envy, i wish the worst on people who have the best.
it's not fair.

and i wonder (because i imagine the world as a place full of an intricate system of checks and balances - you have a bad day, you're due for a good day.  you have a good night, you have hard work in store.  you're in a lovely mood, you were probably just/will soon be pissed off.....etc.  it justifies things.  it helps lessen the envy.  it makes me try to figure out) why they deserve it.
like people with year long relationships and loving boyfriends and clear skin and nice bodies and the friends and the piercings and the phones that they want...
what the fuck was so bad about you rlife that you deserve THIS while i'm frozen in perpetual apathy regarding everything around me?
it's pathetic, it's ridiculous...

and i have to go now more later bye/

*fumes*

l - i will KILL YOU.
 

i am:
capricious, bitter, cold, distrustful, cynical, apathetic, self loating, indolent, unconstant, introspective, outgoing, unreal, discordant, despondent, dissonant, loud, eloquent, self concious, real, jealous, unhappy, strong, spiteful, aggrivatd, insightful, proceleusmatic, short tempered, chiding, sardonic, quirky, lovely, intersting, bold, unflinching, ridiculous, a waste of time, never content, a dreamer, lucky, unable to see that i'm lucky, creative, intelligent, (cocky sounding in this thing although i'm honestly exactly the oppostie) difficult, an asshole, strong willed, unable to settle, headstrong, lost, confused, hurt, not broken, impatient, undecided, bipolar, unforgiving, unable to be vulnerable, too obsessed with the past, too hurt to try again, too pissed off, too tried
saying goodbye.
<3

are hurt or upset
i distract them.
that's my thing.
i make jokes out of scary movies, i counter their sob stories with worse and more embarrassing ones, i make an ass out of myself when they feel stupid.

i am never embarrassed.
a few days ago i fell in the cafeteria.
and i mean i FELL.
i didn't  fall  or fall...i FEEELLLLL, you know?
i got up, bowed to my audience, and then had a 10 minute conversation with a girl in my bio class who i never talk to about how hysterical and ridiculous my gravity-challenged tendencies were.
i can laugh at myself.
and i distract people.

but then i get in these moods.
these...lows.
these horrible, pointless, spells of self pity and aggrivation...every couple of weeks.  i mean recently, i've been a lot better.  actually, i've been unnerving people with my cheerful and pleasant disposition these past couple weeks, as everyone who associates themselves with me on a daily basis is used to my cold and sardonic demeanor.  i've been happy.  confident, even.  alittle.
but now....
ugh.
not today.

let me tell you the way i told beccaa haha:

so0o0 yea.


i want to be older and out of heree andnsd kasdh./
]


AND HOLY SHIT I HATE WHEN YOU ASK SOMEONE A QUESTION AND THEY DECIDE TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES INSTEAD.
thanks for responding to me about ME i really appreciate it.
every time you refuse to talk about my problems you inspire me to solve all of yours, you have no idea.
<3333



ugh.

whatever
i'm jsut in such a bad mood
i'll post again (prob in 15 minutes) when i can think.

Current Mood:	restless
Current Music:	defying gravity :: wicked